20 Bucks

    When I got to work yesterday, I had barely eaten anything. I had woken up around six after getting to bed around one. I had been woken up by very intense pain after getting a tooth pulled, a few days ago. I took the pain killer the dentist had prescribed and another pill supposed to calm my stomach. I ate a bowl of chicken noodle soup with this, but it didn’t settle very well. I threw up and spent the rest of my time before work in bed trying to get well enough to work and not get sick again. By the time I needed to get ready for work, I managed a small bowl of macaroni and cheese, and headed off for the day.
    When I made it to work, I turned in my note for missing the few days I did and walked up to the front. Feeling physically miserable and worthless, I saw a new employee walking around up front. I figured he was one of the two new people we had hired and walked him around a bit. I went outside to get some air after a bit, and there was a man. He asked me if I had a couple dollars, he was “very hungry.” I reached in my pocket against my regular reason. I’ve watched homeless people get into knife fights over turf around the back of Lowe’s. I don’t have much sympathy usually for the people asking for money just because I’ve watched them turn down honest work for begging, since it was less work and he would end up around the same if not better just from standing there all day.
    I still pulled out my wallet to see just a twenty dollar bill, and in a moment of empathy or loss of judgment from my exhausted state, I gave him the twenty and told him to keep it. I went to lunch later and ate some chick-fil-a which sat and filled me up and I felt a lot better. I thought about that man and scrounging up change and pawning off my guitar amp at the end of weeks past, not even making it pay check to pay check. I felt that desperate for an instance and felt not gratified, but not as illogical, I was justified in some way now. This was not the only realization as I drove to school this morning. It hit me how pointless everything was and how important every second is.
    We are nothing but a culmination of atoms, left over from supernovas, the death of the stars themselves. Those atoms have happened along at this perfect instance in space and time to make up the trillions of cells in a body. Just because the brain works in congruity with the other organs and systems in a body and makes up consciousness, does not make one important or worth notice in the vast universe, ever expanding that existed around 10 billion years before the earth even formed. This also begs the importance we must place upon the one life we get. I realized that this, what I leave behind, is just as important is how I live my life and enjoy as much of it as I can. We are incredibly lucky that we live in a time where “We are ways the cosmos can know itself” Carl Sagan.

Greatness

    In order to take place, great acts require great effort. As Newton said, “For every action there is a equal opposite and reaction.” A person can fly a shuttle into space, between the combined successes of many working together. One, single individual can have an epiphany that changes the way we look at the universe itself. Great acts that often have a positive effect toward humanity in the world are frequently viewed alone. However, more people should look at the causality, as it could be argued as being equally great. How do we apply this philosophy of causality to our own aspirations of accessible goals?
     To replicate greatness we must dissect its cause, its very foundation with the utmost scrutiny. All people attempting similar goals have their own journey to get to their realization of greatness. They borrow from one another using proven knowledge to the advantage other their ambition.  Attempting greatness without proper substructure and intent is dangerous in almost any aspect. Trying to preform surgery, fly a plane, make political movements, etc. when lacking the education and positive committed nature to their act(s) are, very literarily, dangerous and generally have little positive effect. Laterally if an aspiring individual wishes to achieve greatness he must put forth time and effort at least as equal as what is to be achieved. One is not guarantied to obtain his realization of greatness, even with a life’s worth work behind him. There are some things to great for one individual to achieve. It is, however, far better to spend a life in the pursuit of the right and/or best way to accomplish something then to attempt prematurely and fail.
    World changing events are caused by great acts, and failures harm, or at best do a disservice to the people of the act’s intent. There are many people with all the heart, passion, and desire to effect the world for good but lack the basis to work from. These people slow the work of those in the proper place, as these people misunderstand, misinform, and create a disingenuous look of the movement and environment they stand for. Dictator-like leaders have achieved greatness, however their “acts of greatness” with improper intent have harmed society. Einstein kept coming to the conclusion that we are in a ever expanding universe, which he rejected based on personal belief. He worked and studied to try to disprove this and never accepted it, if I remember correctly. We now accept that idea as scientific fact. If one was even to succeeded, but only partially, it leaves more work to be done, laying the foundation of greatness. The necessity solid grounding, this causality, is why we must examine every prerequisite must be met and every facet of the entire cause must be inspected, and we must apply our selves fully in each aspect in order to truly be great.

Happinness

I was on youtube the other day, and I found a “TED talk: Shawn Achor: The Happy Secret to Better Work,” about the way the human mind becomes happy and the way it is achieved, compared to the way we try to achieve it. We live in a society where it is implied that, to be happy we must be successful in some way. Good things must happen to you for you to be happy. That the external world is the basis of our happiness, but this not how our mind works. The age old question of the glass being half full or half empty is great analogy, because it takes in to account different brain states. These different states, the way you interact with the world and the way things affect you, are based on what state you’re in. If you’re happy and inspired, a bad grade on a paper will be a aggravating but inspiring moment of self reenforcement where we learn from our mistakes and move forward. If we are in a angry or even neutral state this same fact will send us into a lower brain state, perhaps blaming the teacher, or more often and more logically ourselves. The depression of failure sets in and we enter another brain state of a downward spiral where we beat ourselves up for failing. Yet we should be over joyed because we have learned something wrong about ourselves, and can improve it. This is why our model for happiness is broken. In this respect, it is our thinking, our current brain state, not the external world that is driving our happiness. We need to change our model of what we think we need to be happy. If being successful causes happiness then we must achieve success, to achieve success we are told we must work hard. You would have to come to the conclusion hardworking, successful people would be perpetually happy, and while some are, the premise is not necessarily true. In fact, a child in a impoverished nation is likely to be more happy than a successful businessmen, because they are far more grateful of the things they do have and, as a child, naturally have a sense of wonder about the world. How do we reprogram our minds to be happy and to achieve happiness in a more practical way. Shawn Achor had a system I am testing now. I think it would be wonderful if anyone reading this tried something similar. The first step is to write down three new things you are grateful for everyday for twenty-one days. Through this time, you also journal a positive experience every day so you may re-live it. Do some form of exercise, for me--working at Lowe’s, taking stairs instead of elevator. Take a small amount of time to meditate even if it is during your driving where you turn off the radio and have a moment of self-reflection. Reach out to someone in your network of family, friends, co-workers and thank them honestly for the help they give. Finally, random acts of kindness. This is what ever you define it to be. Do all of this for twenty-one days and your brain will pick up on these patterns. That’s the beauty of thinking, based on these ideologies our minds tell us the state of things. If your brain tells you it’s true, it is to you. This can be your brain state, a belief in morals, a god, a mathematical equation, voices in your head, all of these things require first your brian interpret the world around you, so let’s try to change the way we interpret the world.

god

    What is god? That which we have not understood, I dub thee, but in that which I know, I am free. From my father’s father to my son’s son the unexplained is your only be name. You are not what you once were, nor even what we have come to infer. As we have come to obtain the workings of a natural world, patterns and laws that govern us all, your power seems to dwindle. The human mind ever so quick almost nimble, through time alone has come to look at the poetry of the universe. It’s been thrown at me, every hymn and verse, but it lacks the resonance of of our understanding now in the present tense. Could you even try to be consistent? From Protestant, inner peace and polytheism, no two know you the way others do. Who am I to say what I feel is real. I have seen another when I was a loner. I have heard a voice with no owner. Then why would I tell you my experience I could not prove, as if to move your way of belief. I’m supposed to show respect just because you keep us in check? See, I think you’ll find people are kind for the simple sake of doing right. The insight we gained from numerous generations is just as complex as quantum equations. Why then god and not God? There are too many of you to name, and only a slight few have been granted the fame. Which do I choose? With nothing but right answers, can I even lose? Each path has its god given truths, and each person is right if you just walk in their shoes. Why would any of these gods take precedence? You can have your god, I’ll take evidence.

Higher Learning

If somebody had told me that I would be in school, because I wanted to, even just two months ago I would have shrugged and said “whatever”. If you had told me that I would be shooting for twelve years of school at a minimum and wanting to be a college professor I would have laughed at you and dismissed everything else you said. Yet in a ridiculously rapid change literally in less the a month, I went from cruising through life just letting things past by, to craving knowledge more than a starving man wants food. My intelligence took command and I relentlessly began to seek truth. It is almost embarrassing but what caused this change in me was a single youtube series. Evid3nc3 is the name of the channel on youtube, he has a de-conversion story from when he was a christian to when he became an evidentialist and an atheist. I was going through a similar transition, I had given up on god, but not the idea of a supernatural force, a soul. I wasn’t sure what words to use to describe it. I, as he, was raised christian and while our stories have major differences, the points of his faith and the building blocks that his religion was based on crumbled beneath his feet just as mine did. Though I will not go into detail here, these are personal experiences that we are both willing to share, if you ask. In this story the young man was challenged by a college professor who had written a review on the content, the subject matter, of the bible. He contacted the writer of the review not knowing the man was 62 year old professor and an expert in his field as well as having a full understanding of many areas retaining to the study of how old religious texts (the bible included) came to be and how they were written. That man changed his  life for ever to the pursuit of truth above all things, to know as many true, provable things as you can. I looked at my self and even though (especially after watching his videos) I did not believe in a god, but I was fighting learning I was letting life just past by. .  . my one life.

Waiting for a tattoo

 I am sitting in a tattoo parlor, waiting on my artist. What is considered by some a seedy and even perhaps a lesser side of society. By others and in some cultures body art is a beautiful thing, maybe a write of passage, or a mark to distinguish between sub cultures/groups/gangs. As this passes through my mind, I take a seat next to the wife of the man being worked on. Her little baby girl is laying in her lap. A simple mundane occurrence that really marks no need for pause. You wouldn't take such a basic human activity with much weight at all. I, however, in a instance of getting lost in thought see the beauty of millions of years of psychological conditioning. From our most primitive ancestors to modern man, we have been trained to the point our subconscious acts to preserve life. The love of a mother is not held in the physical heart but a program buried so deep in the female psyche it is near impossible to ignore. In the form of "a mother's love" empathetic creatures are given a absurd advantage over all others on this earth.  How amazing we are, a species capable of such empathy, an yet also by responses in the brain, a being of the same species can be devoid of all empathy all together. It is, to me at least, in-tracing how chemical reactions in the brain can result in emotions that will make a higher thinking being ignore logic, reason, even there own well being. I played peek-a-boo as is the norm, the baby laughed and smiled. I began to wonder to myself then, how does this infant relate itself to what it sees in its own mind. Without a language or words to assign meaning to the things around you, how does one think to ones self? The planing of ones day, the simple mental notation of something. These brain processes that are forming through stimuli of the senses, are they necessary to then form a language based on a way of thought, or is it simply the most efficient way we found to convey thought. This was my train of thought as i waited for a tattoo. It was at this point the artist was ready for me and it just left me in awe for a moment. I still can not think or wrap my head around this the right way to come up with a answer that satisfies myself.

Testing

1, 2, 1, 2