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    It is odd how a viewpoint can change so much. In my eyes, learning and expanding my understanding of the natural universe is the most important thing to me besides my family and friends. Yet as I walk around in this world, I am saddened by what I see people value and the ideas they have. It is as though some material possession will make their lives have meaning, or that some level of social status makes them better than other people. While I think and ponder on the very nature of the difference in cellular and molecular structure of the wood and steel around me, other people who have been given power over me, tell me that particular objects need to be in a certain way or else. I slowly begin to see the pointlessness of my job, or rather myself in that job. What difference does it make if I move this cut piece of a tree from one place to another, or even if anybody does my job in this small town in one the most undereducated states. Why is such stress and importance placed on such mundane things when there are people dying, people with out access to even basic education, or clean water. The amount of human despair is almost unending.
    It seems that, as a people, we let ourselves slip into a self-made system of control to keep ourselves busy and content. A system so embedded most can’t conceive of questioning it. Why is my government willing to pay me to learn to kill and destroy, but not to learn how to create and and bring peace? A person has to pay to get a higher education, when in my eyes we should pay people to learn how to become important world changing and life saving people. There seems to be a complete falling out of learning and thinking, and it is being replaced with ignorance that is reinforced by a dumbing down of every element of our culture. This can and has left me in such a depressed state that I don’t know how to push forward to my goal.
    Then I lose that second of my life to doubt and sorrow. While perhaps those feelings were necessary or unavoidable, it is a second I will never get back. Then I ask was this whole day wasted because I spent it in sorrow, in hatred of my job, as it hinders my academic progress, was it meaningless? I know that it did hold meaning, there is not a day that goes by that my very existence does not help another human being in someway. To me, that is the point of anyone’s life, what they have done for others. If I spend an entire day in self-loathing, perplexed at the unimportance of my work, if I can mange to even put a smile on one person’s face, then my life had meaning. I am no more than the good I leave to those still here when I’m gone, because if I do nothing but for myself then it really is just dust to dust.